1. An uncertain destination
2. Who cares what Brigham Young said? I certainly don't!

• (character chart)
• (polygamy note)

1. Young Women's
2. Youth Conference
3. Saturday's Warrior
4. Brigham Young University
• Gratuitous Love Scene
5. Polygamist
6. Temple Wedding
7. Orem High
8. Bordeaux Mission
9. Exmo Conference

There wasn't a whole lot of room in the little club fort for two people. Stretched out diagonally I could fit okay, but that wasn't possible with Sam there, so I had to lie down on my side with my legs bent. Still, having the sleeping bag to protect me from the cold made a world of difference in terms of comfort.

"Can I ask you something?" asked Sam.

"Of course," I said.

"Aren't you afraid they'll come after you?"

"Not really. If I were a girl, they probably would, but they expect a certain number of the young guys to just fade away. I left a little younger than most, but the fact that I ran away will probably make most people back home think that I don't have the faithfulness required to become a leader, so they'll be happy enough to see me gone."

"What's it like to have more than one mom?"

"I don't have more than one mom. Only my own mother is my mom."

"Oh, I thought everyone was saying that your dad was a polygamist."

"He is," I said. "but his other two wives aren't moms to me. At best they're like aunts. It's hard to explain."

"Is that why you left? Because you knew it was wrong to live that way?"

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"I don't know if it's wrong. This is what Joseph Smith and Brigham Young taught as the right way to live. I just know that I couldn't stand it. My dad's wives would always be sweet to each other on the surface while secretly stabbing each other in the back. My mom resented any attention my dad gave to the other two, and they in turn resented the particular love he had for my mom, having fallen in love with her in his youth whereas I think the other two may have been just assigned to him.

"He was supposed to love them all the same, but he didn't. His three wives were supposed to love us kids all the same too, but obviously they did everything they could to get advantages for their own kids over the others, and for their favorites among their own kids most of all. There were a million tiny kids constantly screaming and underfoot, taking and breaking things. And the stress of it all turned my once fun-loving father into a raging monster.

"We're taught that if we live the new and everlasting covenant correctly that it brings great happiness. But we must not have been living it correctly because we were lucky to squeeze out any moments of happiness at all."

"Wow, that's crazy," said Sam. "Well, I hope Mom and Dad let you stay with us. I'm going to be starting school at Orem High in the fall, and that would be cool if you could come too."

"I'd like that a lot," I said. "That's the real reason I left -- more than any of that other stuff. I wanted to be able to go to a real school where I could learn things other than just religion before it's too late for me to make something of myself."

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