I inserted the pills the next morning as instructed. Even though the counselor had explained what would happen, I didn't know exactly how it would go. It seemed to me like it wouldn't be a good idea to go to church, so I got back into bed and asked Joy to tell Mom and Dad that I wasn't feeling well.
Surprisingly, Mom and Dad were perfectly okay with me staying home. Mom just came in to check on me briefly to see if I was okay and that was it. I guess I figured that since this whole weekend was such an incredibly wrenchingly big deal for me, that they should somehow be suspicious about it. But since I had always been a good girl and had never given them that much of a hard time about not wanting to go to church, they apparently were willing to take my excuses at face value and trust me.
Once the family was gone, the cramps and bleeding started as expected. I took the painkillers and tried to relax. This was the first part of the whole experience that was actually painful, but in fact it wasn't as bad as the terror and emotions of the earlier parts. At this point I was so emotionally drained that I could hardly feel anything more about it. It seemed like this stage was more housekeeping than anything else, and all I could bring myself to feel was relief that all of this would soon be over. Essentially I felt like I'd dodged a bullet.
Alone in the house and calm, I felt like it was finally time to start the repentance process. Not including the usual family and church prayers I hadn't prayed once since that first incident with Walter. Now it was time.
I got down on my knees as best I could with the cramps. I prayed earnestly and sincerely for forgiveness for all of the terrible things I had done. Then I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to give me the strength never to do any of that again nor even to want to.
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