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Saturday's Warrior
  1. He's perfect for the part
  2. You're my obsession
  3. A question of morality
  4. Could I really love a man who could do something like this?
  5. A problem and a solution
  6. A favor for a friend
  7. The grace period
  8. Trying to make things right again
  9. The sort of spiritual experience eternal companions should share
Exmormon
  1. Young Women's
  2. Youth Conference
  3. Saturday's Warrior
  4. Brigham Young University
  5. Polygamist
  6. Temple Wedding
  7. Orem High
  8. Bordeaux Mission
  9. Exmo Conference
Saturday's Warrior

Sunday morning

I inserted the pills the next morning as instructed. Even though the counselor had explained what would happen, I didn't know exactly how it would go. It seemed to me like it wouldn't be a good idea to go to church, so I got back into bed and asked Joy to tell Mom and Dad that I wasn't feeling well.

Surprisingly, Mom and Dad were perfectly okay with me staying home. Mom just came in to check on me briefly to see if I was okay and that was it. I guess I figured that since this whole weekend was such an incredibly wrenchingly big deal for me, that they should somehow be suspicious about it. But since I had always been a good girl and had never given them that much of a hard time about not wanting to go to church, they apparently were willing to take my excuses at face value and trust me.

Once the family was gone, the cramps and bleeding started as expected. I took the painkillers and tried to relax. This was the first part of the whole experience that was actually painful, but in fact it wasn't as bad as the terror and emotions of the earlier parts. At this point I was so emotionally drained that I could hardly feel anything more about it. It seemed like this stage was more housekeeping than anything else, and all I could bring myself to feel was relief that all of this would soon be over. Essentially I felt like I'd dodged a bullet.

Alone in the house and calm, I felt like it was finally time to start the repentance process. Not including the usual family and church prayers I hadn't prayed once since that first incident with Walter. Now it was time.

I got down on my knees as best I could with the cramps. I prayed earnestly and sincerely for forgiveness for all of the terrible things I had done. Then I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to give me the strength never to do any of that again nor even to want to.

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EXMORMON

In then end, I was pretty sure it didn't work. How could Heavenly Father ever forgive me for all of that? I figured I would just have to resign myself to the fate I had earned.

***

Tuesday's rehearsal was the first complete run-through of the whole play. The dress rehearsal was scheduled for Thursday night, and then the big production would be performed for two nights: Friday and Saturday.

I didn't get a chance to talk to either Walter or Jake before the run-through on Tuesday night began. As always, it began with the various characters in the pre-existence talking about the things we would do during our future lives on Earth. First Todd and Julie sang about their love and about how they would find each other and marry one day. Then Todd went down to earth and Julie stayed as all of the other kids joined her to sing about how they would pull together as a family. This was of course my first number. After that, it was time for Jake and Walter, or Wally and Greene, as it were, to sing about how they would be LDS missionaries and bring people to the gospel.

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