1. He's perfect for the part
2. You're my obsession
3. A question of morality
4. Could I really love a man who could do something like this?
5. A problem and a solution
6. A favor for a friend
7. The grace period
8. Trying to make things right again
9. The sort of spiritual experience eternal companions should share

• (character chart)
• (caution/disclaimer)

1. Young Women's
2. Youth Conference
3. Saturday's Warrior
4. Brigham Young University
• Gratuitous Love Scene
5. Polygamist
6. Temple Wedding
7. Orem High
8. Bordeaux Mission
9. Exmo Conference

By afternoon, I figured I was okay to go to my Tuesday rehearsal as usual. It seemed like it was hardly worth doing anything at all at this point since my life was over, but I continued going through the motions out of inertia.

In the car Rex noticed I was upset, but I didn't feel like talking to him about it. Actually, I wasn't really sure who I could turn to for help. It seemed like Rex would probably be a good choice since he was usually pretty understanding and wasn't as judgmental as a lot of people. Plus I knew he cared enough about his own education to understand how I felt about just throwing it away, and I knew he cared enough about me to try to help. Still I was reluctant and ashamed to tell him about my problem.

I wasn't able to enjoy the fun of the rehearsal as I usually did. I tried to put on an act and hide my feelings, but it was hard to disguise my despair. I noticed that Walter was watching me from a distance with a sad and worried look in his eye. He didn't try to chat with me, though. He seemed terribly afraid to approach me.

At one point it just became too much for me, so I went outside and hid around the backside of the building and cried. Jake's mom, who had come out for a smoke, noticed me. She had just finished up her cigarette when she saw me. She came over to see what was wrong.

Actually I was relieved to see Jake's mom approach because I felt like maybe she was one of the few people I might feel comfortable talking about my problem with. She was judged by everyone for being a sinner, so she might understand and be able to help me.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"No, not really," I replied.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

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"This doesn't sound like nothing," she said. "It's about Walter, isn't it?"

"Kind of," I said.

"I know how it is when you're young," she said. "You get so attached to someone who is older and outgoing, and then it kills you to see him paying attention to other people and not to you."

"It's not that this time," I said.

"What is it then?"

"The problem was more when he did pay attention to me, and then something bad happened."

"I don't like the sound of that," she said.

I became worried that perhaps she would condemn me for this after all. "I told him to stop," I said. "I asked him not to do it, but he couldn't resist the temptation, and now I have a big problem."

"So are you going to press charges?" she asked.

"What?!" I asked.

"He raped you, right?" she asked. "I mean, that's what you're saying, isn't it?"

"No, of course not," I said. "I brought him to a private place where we could be alone. I locked the door myself. Really it was my fault."

"That's your brainwashing talking," she said. "I mean, no offense to the church or anything, but that's your brainwashing talking. Jesus, he's nineteen years old, and you're what? Fifteen? Shit, even if it weren't regular rape, it would at least be statutory rape."

I looked down and started crying again.

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